"Are you political, Lou? Political about what? Give me an issue, I'll give you a tissue. Wipe my ass with it."

--Lou Reed, "Sweet Jane" (from Take No Prisoners: Live)

I occasionally get questions about my political affiliations. As you probably know by now, I have trouble answering questions without providing (overly-)extensive context. 

Growing up, we were dyed-in-the-wool-Democrats. Both parents worked in government employent of one form or another. Many of my uncles and cousins were Union labor (to this day, some of them refuse to drink Molson Coors products because that was "scab beer"). We were white, working class suburbanites who believed in helping those less fortunate. Or, at least, we still held out the foolish hope that the less fortunate could still be helped. I still remember the 1980 Presidential Election turned Wake at my paternal grandmother's house. And let's not even begin to discuss the 1984 Presidential Election...

In 1986, partly as a form of rebellion against my parents, partly as a result of the inevitability of living in a milarty town (though we were civilians), partly as a foolish move to impress some girl or some stupid shit like that, I started rooting for the Repoublicans. Mind you, this was before "Red States" and "Blue States." Also, this was when the two major american political parties still at least maintained the facade of giving a fuck about the general electorate. Hell, I even remember my elation when we bombed Lybia back into compliance with Americal foreign policy demands.

Side Note One: Have people fucking forgotten what a heinous butcher Gadaffi was? He is welcomed into this country, invited to speak at the UN, etc. I guess it pays to be a buyer in today's M.I.C. Or to have prime Mediterranean real estate close to our Middle Eastern "interests."

Side Note Two: I believe the highest recorded temperature on the planet was in Lybia. But I am not in the mood to Google it. Please feel free to check my facts.

Fast forward to 1990. I am a Freshman in college (many more posts on college are sure to follow at some point, but not tonight). Gulf War I breaks out. I seriously considered dropping out and enlisting. Obviously, I had watched Platoon way too many times. Thankfully, I did not have the heart to break my parents' hearts. So I "supported the troops" and what not (an uphill battle when facing the tide of a bunch of snotty, over-privileged liberal arts kids). By 1992, however, I had gone "back home" and voted for Clinton. Say what you like, but he was SO MUCH cooler than H.W.

I stuck with Clinton and his Democtaric triangulation (that works on MANY levels!) through both terms.

Side Note Three: Federalist Society types, including Justice Scalia, are fucking assholes.

Then came 2000. My full and final break with the Democtaric Party. I remember the moment like it was yesterday. Remember Elian Gonzalez? Remember the political pimping and posturing that took place over him? Well, Fat Albert Gore, in an effort to sway the Hispanic vote in Florida, the number two Executive Branch representative of our Federal Government said that what was clearly an Immigration matter (and, mind you, Immigration matters are EXCLUSIVELY within the province of the Federal Government) should be decised by a Florida state court. I was out. Immediately. If the people in office cannot respect the office to which they were elected, how in the hell could we possibly elect them to an even higher office? 

Side Note Four: I had already acknowledged the moral bankruptcy of the Republican Party by this time. At least the Republicans did not try to be as coy about it. So +1 Internets* to them. Democrats, late to the party once again.

*No cash value; non-transferrable.

At the time, the logical step was to go Libertarian. I took the shortest political quiz and scored 100%. The idealism seemed, well, ideal. Sign me up. Unfortunately, within three months, the high idealism had been replaced my more solicitations for money than I had EVER received from the Big Two COMBINED. Great. Even idealism was up for sale. Well, maybe everything was already up for sale--I just had not realized it. So I switched to the Green Party, hopelessly disorganized and underfunded, so, really, perfect for me! Unfortunately, the lack of organization of the State Green Party  led to decertification of the same, so I had to be registered as an Independent in order to retain the right to vote in primaries. 

So, in short, contrary to the words of Mr. Donne, I am an island, politically, at least. The American political system is fucked, for the most part. The Duocracy is just two sides of the same corrupt coin. People on the wrong side of the growing chasm between the upper class and the remaining masses are essentially fucked. Corporations run EVERYTHING. The individual vote, namely at the Federal level, is worthless. The only elections of interest to me are local measures, maybe an occasional statewide office or ballot initiative. 

Besides, having no political allegiance is great for my shameless professional whoredom. Gotta stay on the north side of that ever-growing chasm, after all.